Hello hello, and welcome to Episode 90 of Life On the Brink!
Have you ever felt guilty for having an easy day? For not getting enough done?
As we enter into the new summer season, there’s so much to celebrate and enjoy. So much, in fact, that at times I feel pressure to get out there and enjoy it all! We’re entering a less structured time of year (which is so lovely), and whenever I’m in a season where less is required of my time I can really get into my head about what to do with every hour of the day.
Without goals to meet, deadlines to make, or achievements to collect, what is left of our lives?
SO so much more, my friend, so today I simply hope to encourage you. This week has been a bit of an adjustment, and in some ways has been really easy, so let’s talk about how to enjoy that ease rather than feel guilty for our own lives.
Let’s just start with a cup of tea…
What’s in my teacup? A very special blend, brought all the way from Bath, England by my sister Sarah. From the Tea House Emporium, it’s their Earl Orange black tea. Delicious! They also ship within the UK, so here’s the link just in case.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the past week, as I’ve begun navigating the changes of my summer schedule. On one hand, I have much less stress from end-of-the-year projects, on the other I have a lot of time. Enough time, in fact, that I’ve begun to feel that voice of “you need to be PRODUCTIVE right now” coming back.
I’ve spoken about productivity on the podcast before, and I do maintain that the purpose of it is not so I can do more things, but rather do the things I need to get done quicker so that I have more time to relax, celebrate hobbies, see friends, and generally enjoy my life.
But how often does self-care become a regimen, a checklist in itself? Even beyond the work day, whatever that looks like to you, at times there’s this self-imposed requirement to optimize leisure time. Here’s an example, that may or may not be what happened to me this week:
You wake up unusually early, over an hour earlier that you were anticipating. Here starts the inner monologue.
You should just get up now and go for a walk while it’s nice and cool, so you can knock a bit of exercise out right away. Or you could prune the rosebushes like you’ve been meaning to do. OR you spend some time reading and praying and doing yoga because those are ‘good’ things to do with your time. If you’re going to lie in bed, you might as well get another hour of restful sleep. Or you could just get started on tasks right away.
Mind, there’s probably no right or wrong answer when it comes to an extra hour of morning, but sometimes I can get really down on myself for not picking the non-existent “right” one.
Now, while it’s true that going on a walk outdoors, for example, is something that tends to make me feel good, in those moments it’s hard to know whether that’s just because at the end of the day I can feel good that I did, that I was productive with my body. I don’t want the benefits of exercise in this case to be overshadowed by a simple checking off of some wellness checklist.
Perhaps you relate to some of this. Why is this the case? Why do we confuse our sense of self with the amount of tasks (often self-appointed) we can accomplish in a day? Well, for one, unhealthy levels of productivity and even burnout are easy to fall into in 2023. I spoke at length about it in Episode 27, so feel free to check it out and the articles I linked in it.
There’s another factor, though, that I’ve recently been pondering, which is a glorification of struggle. At least in the U.S., there’s sometimes an idea that everything must be hard if you’re doing it correctly and with integrity. If something is done with ease, it must be corrupt or lazy. Of course, this is preposterous.
So much of this blog is dedicated to cultivating an awareness of the little joys in our lives, to developing a home and life that is enjoyable to live in. Ease and beauty are welcomed, encouraged even, as we go about our lives. Whether the day is busy, stressful, filled with work or play, there are beautiful moments to savor.
Such is still true on days when there is nothing to do, nothing asked of you. Going a day, a week, a month without accomplishing anything doesn’t change who you are.
Especially when it comes to the time we have to ourselves, the downtime, we are way WAY too hard on ourselves. Perhaps it comes from social media, where everyone feels constantly visible and where our perception of leisure is meticulously curated.
Let this thought encourage you (me) also: during lockdown, there were things that we missed doing. I started to miss work, people, the simple freedoms that I never thought of before. This encourages me because it shows me that even if I never had any obligations whatsoever (as in most of 2020) I would still want to do, to create and build and seek. My nature, your nature, is not one that will become stagnant simply by enjoying a break from structure for a while. You don’t have to be sick or burnt out to take a break, either!
How healthy can a habit be if it makes you anxious?
Certainly, some habits take time to cultivate, and sometimes I need a little motivation to act on what is truly fulfilling to me, but let’s not forget that habits are formed over time. Lifestyles are best developed when based on our priorities, and I certainly don’t want stressing over every decision I make to be a habit I let form.
This week when I had a day like this, one where my day was quite open and I was up early, I ended up having a really nice moment of pause to examine these feelings. I realized that I was having a real fear of 1. Waste and 2. Disappointment in myself. Waste, because I had this notion that time not spent bettering myself through productive or healthy habits was selfish and wasteful. How unkind is that? Disappointment, I think because I wondered how I would be perceived that day. Lazy maybe? Again, I think mine is a generation that is especially paranoid of public perception.
Fortunately, when I shared these thoughts with my husband, the one person who really does see me for who I am every day, he assured me once again of his love, of his having no doubt of my character, of his permission to enjoy myself, even if he’s at his 9-to-5. We take care of each other in different ways, and one of the freedoms that he blesses me with is time.
Now, there’s only one of Josh and you might not have someone to encourage you like that, so allow me. You are loved, your character is not defined by one day, who you are is not defined by your actions, and you HAVE PERMISSION TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE. Or rather, you didn’t need it in the first place.
Josh also shared this with me: sometimes in his workplace he will have finished with a task but needs further instruction from his superiors. In the meantime he looks for what might be next, but there’s no pressure on him. He’s not really productive in those moments, but he doesn’t need to be. As he put it, “there is still value in the looking.” I think that’s true, and you never know when that looking can inform or instruct or prepare you for the next thing.
-Quotes by composer Maria Schneider
(click quotes for links)
In closing, my friend, be encouraged. Life is not a contest, so don’t worry about trying to win. Let’s all take a deep breath and throw off all that pressure. Just enjoy the day before you and keep your eyes open.
More Inspiration:
This Week’s Little Joy: A moment that really epitomized the start of summer for me. Josh and I took a walk to the Dairy Queen that is now super close to our house. Along the way we pet one of the neighborhood cats, chatted with a new neighbor, enjoyed lovely ice cream, and saw the first fireflies of the season! It was a snapshot of summer nights to come, and made me love my new home that much more.
What I’m Listening To: This album was released in 1932! It's called "Presenting the Boswell Sisters," and I've been listening to it mostly for rehearsal purposes. Next week I'm hitting the road with the Truetone Honeys, one of the groups I perform with. For the first time, we're accompanying ourselves, and we're playing in several cities next week! Feel free to follow me on Instagram as I've been sharing updates :)
Thank you so much for listening!
As I said, I'll be on the road next week, but you can look forward to a new episode on June 22nd. Until then, be kind to yourself and have a lovely week!