Hello hello, and welcome to Episode 36 of Life On the Brink!
Today I have a very special episode for you, featuring an equally special guest. Yes, today is the day I finally bring Josh onto the podcast!
Most of you have probably heard me gush about this guy all the time, but in case this is your first time tuning in, Josh is my husband of just over 1 year. We just celebrated our first anniversary in Hawaii, and it’s crazy to realize that I’ve been married a whole year. It feels like it’s flown by, but also like it’s always been this way.
Right after we got back from our belated honeymoon, we had the opportunity to stay in the bed and breakfast where we got married (You can read all about our wedding here) to celebrate our anniversary. The inn is just lovely and we had a romantic evening strolling along the York River. While we were there and word got around that we were celebrating our one-year, I noticed that other women began offering me memories and advice from their own marriage. I know that to some people that might have been annoying or felt totally unsolicited, but I really appreciated it! They were going out of their way to try to nurture my marriage from their own experience, simply by sharing about their lives. Obviously, every relationship is different, but I enjoyed hearing about other stories that started long before mine.
So today, I am bringing Josh on the podcast as we reflect on lessons or takeaways that we’ve learned during our first year of marriage. Not as advice, per se, but more as a reflection. Again, every story is different, and whether you are married or soon to be married or hoping to be married in the future, I simply hope that something in our story encourages you in yours.
(or at least is interesting to listen to!)
In the next section I’ll include our main points, but I highly recommend listening to our whole conversation for all the little stories and rabbit trails, and also cause Josh is just so cute to listen to.
What’s in our teacups? I made a pot of Constant Comment and we each had a cup after I spilled my first one all over the tea tray.
In his first year as my husband, Josh has learned to….
1. Be someone you want to be married to. For him this often takes the form of helping with housework, speaking well of me, being attentive.
2. Be flexible. He's had to adjust his schedule and his routines to be with me, but it has been so worth it to him.
3. Spoil her (your spouse) in the ways you can afford. Whether it's his flexible work schedule that affords little moments with me in the morning, or in the form of a sweet (and inexpensive) bouquet of flowers that he knows I love.
4. Make an effort to make time/make room for the things she (your spouse) cares about. He mentioned gardening, traveling, that one time I got a crazy idea for us to go to Disney World and we actually did it!
5. Affirm each other's identity in Jesus and value to one another. Josh experienced a lot of anxiety and paranoia when he first got the job he has now, thinking he was always on the brink of getting fired, and he didn't want me to have any similar stress in our relationship. He didn't (and doesn't) want me to wonder whether or not I'm completely loved and really accepted, so he goes out of the way to remind me of it that often. Gotta love the guy.
During my first year as a wife, I’ve learned that….
1. My insecurities will not go away simply because I'm wrapped up in the love of another. Maybe a bit heavy to start on, but I'm not saying that I really struggle with self-doubt all the time. When I do, though, I've found that subconsciously I was surprised to still be dealing with certain things now that I'm married, that someone is committed to loving me for life. The stress of finding that person is gone. This has been helpful to realize because now that I'm aware of it I can find encouragement and can pray and contemplate how I feel.
2. It's good to err on the side of over-communication, rather than under. Sometimes I wonder if I really need to say to Josh or ask him about a scheduling thing, for example, but I've learned that even if it's redundant, we both really appreciate that the other wanted to fill us in.
3. Different families need different things. We're both super tight with our families, but our families are different, and for a while I made the mistake of relating to me new family-in-law the same way, expecting the same kinds of time and interaction in order to develop closeness. Now I feel I understand my new family much more, and we're very close even if we don't interact the same way my family understands "closeness."
4. It's useful to try and think from his (my spouse's) perspective. I know I didn't marry a careless man, and he wouldn't do something just to spite me, so if I'm confused or frustrated by something Josh says or does, now I'll stop to think about his perspective. To ask why?
Sometimes I still don't know, but then I ask and it becomes clear (see: point #2).
5. Every relationship is different. I can easily get into my head over the minutia of what an adult "should" do, how a wife "should" love, how a married couple "should" spend their time. While I do think there are some objectives, some absolutes that apply to marriage and other relationships, my marriage is going to be totally different from anyone else's, so as long as we're on the same page and we're enjoying our life together, there really aren't any "shoulds." (Josh is great at shutting this down, too. He helps me in all of these.)
And finally, Josh wanted to share a bit of advice that we received from my grandparents just before we got married that has been very impactful for the both of us. The essence of marriage, they said, could be condensed into: "I love you more than me"
And there you go! I hope you've enjoyed this super-sweet episode, I know we did. We can confidently say that this past year together has been the best of our lives, and I look forward to so many more together. I hope that you have been encouraged, or simply provoked into thinking about your relationships. Todays' a beautiful day to cherish those you love.
Josh’s Little Joy: After being able to have breakfast with his parents, Josh spent last Saturday in what he considers the epitome of summer relaxation. The pool was open (we were told it would be closed last weekend) and Josh used 2-3 pool noodles to support him as he laid pack in the pool, just floating in the water. It's adorable how restorative his activity was for him!
What We’re Listening To: Behold, Josh's mixtape. He's come up with a very specific, curated look into his musical taste for your listening pleasure.
Thank you so much for listening! Feel free to leave a comment below, and until next time, have a lovely week!